I used to focus on changing the world.
All the while, neglecting the focus to change me.

I once was a catalyst for change in others.
But the reactions are spent now and I am too.

I’m learning that when I don’t have a healthy outlook on my
individual life, I contribute to the sum of problems that I see with society.

This season I’m in now is one of inner focus and change.
I am learning to be and do what I have wanted others to be and do for me.

A seasonal shift in life.
That is welcomed.
And desired.

In just a few months I will be 35.

Half a life.
Sure people live longer then 70, but quality seems to decline rapidly.

Not at all what I expected.

But I haven’t been disciplined enough to meet my expectations.

This is my personal year of transformation and change.
Change in my outlook.
….my habits.
….my emotions.
….my physique.
….my finances.
….my growth.

In the movie “Transformers” there is a girl who is faced with a simple decision of getting into a car that she knows is actually an Autobot. When her companion sees her uncertainty, he tells her, “50 years from now, when you look back at your life, don’t you want to say you had the guts to get in the car?” What initializes from that moment is “Transformation” to her life. She found a Transformer and her life was transformed.

Normal life is nowhere as spectacular as that. There’s no Camaro to get in that will make your life what you want it to be and often times it feels as if you are climbing over a huge mountain with no help.
Even so, your change will come if focus can be maintained.

Cast a vision of what you want your life to look like.
This vision is your Transformer.

Every decision you make, including the small ones, needs to line up with your personal Transforming Vision.

Small steps at first as this is unfamiliar to you.
But it will get easier as you learn what is on this new path.

Be Transformed.

Cheers,
Gene

On the way to work, I was pondering music, worship, and leadership and I remembered this quote from Los’ blog a few months ago where he was describing what he calls a “Lukewarm” Worship Leader:

“Is almost exclusively dependent on other’s songs to sing than writing songs for where their local church is at.” —-> RagamuffinSoul.com | Signs of a Lukewarm Worship Leader

It really bugs me when we leave out creativity and intimacy in Worship. (I’m speaking of corporate Worship through the use of music that usually occurs in most churches on Sunday morning).

We have our system: 4 to 6 songs ( 2 to 3 fast and then the rest slow with the really heart jerker one at the end).

Every Sunday.

In countless churches.

No deviation.

No originality.

Lack of excellence, because we have our dummy-proof system.

No dropping songs from the plan to linger on a progression for a while.

No changing to un-planned songs because the “words on the power point” haven’t been set up.

No Drum Solos. : p

Preparation is important. Having a plan and rehearsing is important.

But, I think the problem is that we try to be so rigid and focused on getting through the set that we don’t take time for the back and forth fluidic flow of Worship.

Worship is a conversation. We need to take some time to let God speak back.

Sometimes when I’m driving with the kids, my daughter, Tori, will sing and sing. She will sing songs from television and sometimes just make up her own songs. She does have a beautiful voice and I love hearing it.

There are times though that I need to say something important to her and it frustrates me because she won’t stop singing so she can hear and listen to me.

I think God feels that way sometimes during our Sunday mornings across America.

TIME.

So I can become motivated to do the things that I need to do.

So I can get done the things I have to do.

So I won’t go so freakin’ crazy!!!

How do you make time to get everything done?

One of my friends did this on Facebook and it looked neat. The mosaic tool from big huge labs is great. I may start using it for my photo sets.

a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search
(http://www.flickr.com/)
b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd’s Mosaic Maker (http://bighugelabs.com/flickr/mosaic.php)
d. Save the image and post it on this note!

The Questions:
1. What is your first name? Gene
2. What is your favorite food? Sushi
3. What is your favorite color? black
4. Favorite drink? Coffee
5. Dream vacation? Australia
6. Favorite Hobby? Contemplating
7. What you want to be/do when you grow up? Complete
8. What do you love most in life? Ocean
9. One word to describe you?Paradox

I think I have always loved trains.

They represent movement and destination to me.

Trains travel from point A to point B without deviation on a predestined track.

I want my vehicle of life to be like that.
I don’t want to deviate in my journey to become who I was destined to be.
The journey can be enriched, but movement has to continue.

Great article from Catalyst:
ARTICLE: “Where Have all the Interns Gone?” | Brad_Lomenick | Catalyst.

I prefaced the excerpts below with a few thoughts:

The law of the lid.

Some people that are given positional leadership do not have the ability to lead others that have higher leadership abilities than their own.

You put the legalistic religion in the equation and the 20 to 30 something natural born leader will quickly step out of submission from someone who is not achieving their own vision.

Your certificates of ordination and pastor-ships from denominations mean little to nothing to this new breed of leader since the denomination is not needed as a vehicle to drive a vision.

We have our ministry vehicle on Facebook, Twitter, blogs, iphones, and even through our publishers.

Why do we need your endorsement to be a “minster of the gospel” anymore?

They WILL NOT wait to make a difference. They’ve grown up with the understanding that I can make a difference now- just write a blog, send a facebook message, create an online community, and boom- you have an audience and a tribe. So it’s time you wake up and face the realities of the next generation of leaders. Hierarchy is out; flat organizational structure is in. Wait your turn is out; make a difference NOW is in. Larger than life personalities are out; collaboration is in.

So what to do? Well, the first step is to understand the reality of the next generation of leaders. You have them on your staff, and if you don’t know it yet, they are probably considering planting their own church or going somewhere else where they can lead NOW. If you want to keep them, give them space to run, and allow them to create and innovate within the system you’ve created.

via ARTICLE: “Where Have all the Interns Gone?” | Brad_Lomenick | Catalyst.

I now have three beautiful children.

Our newest daughter, Sophia, was born almost three weeks ago.
She is beautiful.

In this short time I have been amazed at the reality of new life and of Fatherhood again, but have sensed time and life being siphoned from me into an abyss.

I feel inadequate.
Inadequate to fully give 100% to all the roles and responsibilities I have.

Rather than trying to focus on everything, I am going to have to chose to focus on the “important things”.

What are the “important things”?

The things in life that give your life meaning and purpose.
The reasons for why you do what you do.

Become adequate in these things and you will find some sense of how to make the other things work.

This year it has been hit and miss with Maryland having a decent snowfall.

Cold temps and ice have been prevalent while the best of winter has not made much of an appearance.

My kids were sad that we wouldn’t get to go sledding this year as we thought that the Tulips and Cherry blossoms would be appearing any time. But, when it finally snowed Monday I knew it was time to man up and take them sledding.

We had an epic day of playing in the snow.

The kids had a blast going down the hills and showing me the “surprises they had for me”.

The “surprises” turned out to be snow balls behind their backs.
It was great Daddy-kid times!

Here are some choice photos that I edited with Picnik and uploaded to my flickr account. Enjoy!

Cheers,
Gene

I have ran sound for some really deaf people.
Some of them are artists that are in their early twenties.

As a musician first, and a sound engineer second, I lean toward protecting my ears at all costs.

The value that comes with good hearing is underrated in the industry, but when some arrogant musician who needs his monitors at 120 db yells at me about not being able to hear himself, I just casually smile and move the monitor closer to his ears and still maintain a high level of sound quality for those of us in the audience who can still hear sounds like the one below.

Created by Train Horns

Life is a bit crazy right now.
But unbelievably cool.

Pinewood Derby. These cars will be the death of me.
It has been fun to make them with the kids, but extremely time consuming. The derby is this Saturday and I will breathe a sigh of relief when it is over.

Most of the family has been sick off and on the last week and a half.
Sunday afternoon, I started feeling extremely ill and laid down at 3pm and practically stayed in bed until Tuesday at 7am.
Feeling better now, but still trying to kick this.

Baby Sophia will be here very, very soon.
Excited, but nervous. Praying that everything goes well.

Ian’s Blue and Gold Banquet for Cub Scouts is this Sunday. He will advance and get his Tiger badge that he has worked really hard for the past few months. Just hope that timing with the Derby, the delivery, and the banquet will all come together.

We have begun to venture toward new friends and commitments. Just trusting that we are making right decisions in all that we do and say.

Tori has been great. She’s a sweetheart and loves ballet.

We all took a Taekwondo lesson. That was a blast. Really leaning toward a physical outlet like that for me.

Cheers,
Gene

Dropped by Borders today and picked up these two books.

I’ve been waiting to read both of them for a while.

Mark Batterson’s book, “Wild Goose Chase”, was released in August 2008, while Anne Jackson’s book, “Mad Church Disease” was released 5 days ago.

I’ve been waiting for Anne’s book for a very, very, long while thanks to Los over at ragamuffinsoul. He was promoting this before the ink on her contract was dry.

“Mad Church Disease”, from what I’ve read in reviews and such, is focused on the epidemic of Church Leader burnout.
The majority of the target readers are full time (paid by the church) leader staff.
I am not one.
I do full time ministry. I don’t get paid for it.
Those who do get paid for it are abused at times by people like me that don’t.
We quickly forget that we are helping them live so they can help us lead.
We are not helping them live so they can lead us by pulling us along as we dig our heels in and stop the visional train.
I’m reading this book so I can learn more about that abuse.
I’m reading this book so I don’t act as a catalyst to this disease, this Mad Church Disease.
Whatever I can do to help my leaders, my friends, so they won’t get burnout is a priority of mine.

I first heard of Mark Batterson and National Community Church from one of the books I read a few years ago.
I have no idea what book it was.
I thought it was “Blue Like Jazz” but after flipping through it, I’m not sure.
Needless to say, starting a thriving church in Union Station peaked my interest, so I started reading Mark’s blog over at Evotional.com.

I started reading “Wild Goose Chase” briefly today and I can already see that it will be a great read.
It’s like “Wild at Heart” and living free of cages and stepping into your destiny, but the similar concepts are repackaged into a newer, more relevant read for this decade and it’s not just for men like John Eldredge’s book.
I’m reading this book for my development and to remind me that I am a dangerous son and not slave of God.

The other night while the kids were away I pulled up itunes and started re-living memories through the music that was the backdrop to my high school life.

The initiators of a musical revolution.

Pearl Jam, STP, Radiohead, Bush, Alice in Chains, Smashing Pumpkins, and they all Smelled a bit like Teen Spirit.

As we had every speaker in the house cranked up to a good 105 db, Christine was humored by my air guitar antics and one line phrases like “But I’m a CREEEEEEEP, I’m a weirrrrrda….”, “Glycerine, Glycerine”, and “There’s no sex in your violence”.
She asked, “Do you know the words?”
I replied, “Only the important ones”
Christine: “What do the lyrics mean?”
Me: “Who cares, they rock!”, as I flashed the rock symbol (what is known as the satanic, burn all your rock CDs at youth camp symbol)

As I sat there on the steps listening to songs that I’ve played thousands of times in my deceased, little Suzuki Samurai, I started noticing new nuances that I’ve never heard before.

Cellos that were in the background jumped out as never before.

Bass lines were now prominent.

Guitar solos had highlights of genius.

Kick, snare, high-hat beats and tom work all stood out.

It was a musical decomposition on the on set but it got even deeper.

I wondered what vocal effect was used.

Compression on the kick…was it chased with reverb and if so how much.

The guitars were overpowering the vocals at times.

Pitch problems that I’ve never noticed before.

Audio decomposition.

I was kind of annoyed that my focus was on the pieces of the masterpiece and not the masterpiece itself.

I decompose music, movies, art, writing, almost everything creative now.
If it’s not close to my subjective version of perfection, then I have to focus on focusing and not highlighting the negative.
This is far worse with live sound. I hear a nuance that needs to be corrected or changed and I visualize what needs to be done technically in order to get the best sound as a whole out.

What one calls their life can be decomposed into smaller life pieces, actions or events. What we do in these smaller increments of time, the decisions we make, can either turn the whole into a masterpiece or something that is not what we desired for at all.

When we master a musical project, all of our hard work comes out either as ear candy or crap depending on how the smaller parts were put together. Before the mastering process we can lay down new tracks if there is something that just isn’t right.

In life we can’t re-record a moment. There are no do-overs.

We Should Focus on the details and life events if we do Have Control of them.

But, there are also times that you don’t have control over events in your life.
Life is hard at times; however, we can choose to control how we react to these events.
You can’t change these events, it happened, it’s in the recording, move on, and enjoy the rest of the song as you decide what solo to play next in your life masterpiece.

It has been really crazy.
Exciting new things are happening.
Incredibly busy at home.
Incredibly anxious about the future.
Tired of ice and snow and ready for Spring.

About an hour before Barack Obama took the Oath of Office to become our first African American President, I attempted to explain “Racism” to my 6 year old son.

In simple terms, I described to him how “black people” were mistreated and discriminated against by “white people”.

He promptly asked, “Are we white or black?”
I replied, “White”

He then asked, “We were part of the mean people Daddy?”
After some hesitation, I answered his question, “Yeah….we were.”

We were.

As I thought about this, I wonder if it should have been “we are”.

The Racial divide in America still exists.
The Inauguration of Barack Obama did not abolish it.
I wish it did.

We are getting better though.

I lived in North Carolina until I was 21.
The “N word” was way too commonplace.

My Dad was part of a Hunting Club.
They named a road after the “N word”.
There was a trailer park at the end of this road where the homes of mostly black people resided.

Sometimes when my Mother was driving downtown and stopped at a red light and before power locks, she would say “Lock the doors”.
There usually was a black man or group of black men hanging out on the side of the street.

I went to New Hanover High School.
Some of my friends got attacked by a group of people.
Most of my friends were guys that I surfed with. They were white.
The group of people that attacked them were black.

At this same school, there was an overpass that connected the campus over a busy downtown street.
After skipping the first part of the day to go surfing, I had to sneak back on campus.
I used the overpass.
There were four black guys sitting on the steps.
They wanted my money.
One punched me in the face.
I ran really fast.

I still can’t understand hate like that.
Racial hate.
I hope I never have too.

I live in Maryland.
I am not ignorant to believe that racism doesn’t exist here.
It is refreshing that I no longer am directly impacted by it though.

I have many friends.
Friends that I have made over the course of my life.
They come from many different races and backgrounds.
Just by knowing them and how wonderful they are, my fear of race has been released.

At times people have judged me wrongly based on my past or thoughts about me originating from other people.
That sucked.

I will not allow myself to do that to anyone.
I will and have learned to appreciate attributes of others.
Everyone is not the same and that’s okay.

I am learning to not be mean.

When I was a kid, my Mom took me to church every Sunday Morning, Sunday Evening, and Wednesday Evening.

It was more than expected that you had to be there if you were a “good” Christian.

I remember during the NFL Playoff season how some people would toot their self righteous horn about how they were having church and not canceling Sunday night services unlike such and such church down the street.

I never got to watch the Super Bowl as a kid.

I watch the Super Bowl now.
I’m still a Christian.

This blog was inspired by New Spring’s video below or at http://vimeo.com/2796587

I have a problem.
A creative timing problem.
I consider myself a creative junkie.
I love to create.
to draw.
to write.
to design.
to solidify creative solutions.

But I can’t turn my creative juices on exactly when I want to.
Some people can. They get paid for their creations.
I am not like them.

Every morning on my hour commute, I come up with great thoughts to write on or unique elaborations from others to discuss and I have no way of saving it.
By the time I get to my lunch break, the inspiration is gone. The pebble that starts the ripples has already been dropped.

I could record these thoughts on my phone or mp3 recorder during my commute, but with the traffic, I’m sure it would be laced with verbiage that most likely shouldn’t be there that is directed at the fellow driver that just cut me off.

I don’t want to create, just to show I created something or to get my daily quota out.
I want to create, to express what I feel during the creation.

I feel frustrated and I am seeking inspiration.

A few things I want to do in 2009.
Some I already do and want to do more of, some I need to do less of.
There are even a couple of brand new ambitions in the mix.
Enjoy!

• Eat less McDonald’s.

• Eat more salads.

• Drink more water.

• Take more walks.

• Find time to watch more Fuel TV.

• Play my guitar more often.

• Blog more.

• Forgive people.

• Work in a soup kitchen.

• Write more music.

• Go on a walkabout (solo trip, laptop in hand, public transportation, three or four days, for no reason at all).

• Work harder … in life.
  … in my career.
  … physically.
  … spiritually.
  … in everything.

• Less talk, more action.

• Start writing that book I’ve been wanting to write for years.

• Spend more one on one time with each member of my family.

• When my wife wants to talk, make it more about her and less about me.

• Lay on my daughter’s floor more often, so she can fall asleep even though she’s afraid of the dark.

• Stop being so hard on my son, and just let him be a kid and explore who he is rather than who I want him to be.

• Have more patience
  with my kids,
  with my life,
  with my progress,
  with myself,
  and with others.

• Learn from negative past experiences and move forward.

• Speak less, listen more.

• Be more of me.

My past is causing my present to be in conflict with my future.

This was one of my tweets a few weeks ago that caught some attention in facebook land.
It’s an abstract thought so let me roll it out a couple more ways:

Your past can screw with your head in the present to prevent who you are destined to become in the future.

You have to reconcile all of your past feelings and emotional baggage with who you are now in order to walk into what you want to be or more appropriately what you need to be.

Every New Year, countless people make “resolutions” in an attempt to change there present from what their past has created them to be in order to be a different person in the future.

These resolutions last a few weeks at most and then its back to status quo.

Why do we continually think we can “Re – Solve” our problems. Why do we offer up the same corrections year after year in feeble attempts to be something that we cannot be under our own effort.

This year, don’t chase after solutions, chase after real change.
A revolution. A sudden, radical, or complete change in your self and world view.
Have a revolution of mind, body, and spirit and let it change your destiny.

My source of revolution is Jesus. He came to give a new and full life, to overcome mindsets that hold me back from what he has for me.
That drives me.

Other things may drive you, but never stop seeking.
You will find….

Have a Tremendous and Blessed New Year.

My daughter…Guess which one she is?